Dee writes: First of all, acknowledge that you are angry and hurt. Then do something to release the anger, hurt, frustration, and resentment. For example: Write the person a letter and really let them have it, tell them everything you want to say, call them names, rip as hard as you want. Then throw the letter away, tear it up, burn it. There's something about watching it go up in smoke that truly feels like you're getting rid of it. Flushing it down the toilet works too!
Another way to get it out is to do something physical. Maybe run until you're exhausted or hit something (preferably something that won't hit back, break, or hurt you when you hit it). Once I took a dozen eggs and, one by one, threw them in the bathtub--HARD, watching each one smash to pieces. Of course, once that was over I had to clean it up, but even that was sort of healing, like cleaning up the mess was part of the process.
Finally, and this is the most important part, you need to let it go. LET IT GO. Holding on to the anger is not hurting the person that you are upset with, it's only hurting you. Once you truly make up your mind to just let it go, it can no longer have a hold on you.--Dee
So I think this is a little off the topic of forgiveness techniques (Dee, just HOW do you let it go?), but I love these tactics for dealing with horrible, raw anger. I'm reminded of a time soon after my brother died when I took all the dining room chairs and threw them across the room. Then I had a good, hard cry. And then I felt a tiny little microscopic bit better.
I think you're right that forgiveness is easier AFTER you do something really physically taxing. I always feel better after a hard run, or some really tough work in the yard (or...throwing chairs around the dining room...). Dee, I love your point about cleaning up the mess being part of the healing process.
More tomorrow!
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