Thursday, November 5, 2009

I Can't Change! Everyone Needs Me To Stay The Same!

Mrs. Ditter, I so agree with you that sometimes it's fear that prevents us from making a change and sometimes it's our responsibilities. But do you think that sometimes we use our responsibilities as the excuse for not making the change because we're fearful of the change? -- Carrie

OF COURSE we hide behind our responsibilities. Mrs. Ditter has hidden behind her home-front responsibilities for years now (kids, laundry, carpool, emotional support, cooking, cleaning, blah blah freakin' blah). It's totally understandable. It's also totally deadly after a while.
This sort of hiding narrows your world, and keeps you from becoming the person you're here to become. At least, that's the way I see it.
And please note: I am using the term "YOU" in the general, not the specific sense. Okay?

Anyway, I wonder if it's not that you're fearful of the change. I wonder if you're more fearful of what the change will mean in your life and in the lives of your loved ones. 
Let's say the change is that you decide to run every morning, or become a landscape architect, or write a book (OH YES I DID JUST PULL THAT LAST ONE OUT OF NOWHERE). So the change is: you set your clock earlier and lace up your shoes and get out the door; you research and apply to horticultural degree programs; you plunk your butt in the chair every day at the same time and write even if it makes your nose bleed from anxiety and self-loathing.

The change is not all that scary. But what happens to you and your loved ones if you truly commit to the change can be very scary, indeed.
Your kids might have to get themselves ready for school and they will resent this. You may have to dip into family savings or take out a loan for education costs and this might freak out you or your partner. Your book might be a best-seller, or it might be a total flop, or it might not get published at all and you will die of humiliation.
The scenarios are endless. Make up whatever doomsday plot fits your situation best! Just remember, you will be a different person after you commit to and follow through with the change. And there's no way to know who exactly you will be. Which can keep you hiding behind your responsibilities for a long, long time. Which is totally fine, unless your heart is burning for that change.
By the way, Carrie, you win the prize for being the first person to ask Mrs. Ditter two questions! Send me your address and I'll send you some chocolate.
As always, I look forward to comments and questions. You can leave questions on any topic in the comment section of the blog. Anonymous questions welcomed!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Mrs. Ditter,
    I really love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it too. But I have a couple problems: I have a hard time thinking up ideas for stories, and then, once I start, I lose interest! I don't know what to do!

    signed, a cute little kittycat